THE ONE SHOW, SHIT...
Okay… to understand why I'm so disgusted with this piss-poor programme, click HERE and watch between 4:10 and 6:00 minutes.
The best equivalent to this tragic attempt at journalism are those ‘AMAZING NEW DIET’ magazine features - where they show a woman’s miraculous physical transformation via the classic ‘BEFORE and AFTER’ graphic.
You know… on the LEFT; a hideously fat woman with what appears to be loose foreskin dangling from her every pore. On the RIGHT; a svelte athlete-of-a-tart complete with hourglass frame, tight skin and pert tits.
Closer inspection of these appallingly misleading graphics ALWAYS, WITHOUT FAIL, reveals ‘bint-on-left’ standing in a poorly-lit environment, which frankly, would make Cameron Diaz look like Trevor McDonald’s left ball bag. Also, she ALWAYS has a facial expression akin to that of a drowned rat!! Meanwhile, ‘tart-on-right’ ALWAYS, WITHOUT FAIL is standing in what appears to be the centre of the sun - PERFECT LIGHTING!! Moreover, the fucking show-off is sporting a grin so wide, full of so many teeth… you’d think her fabulous new shape has resulted in new friends, new job, new admirers and on-tap cock from George Clooney.
So, back to the One Show’s hoodie farce…
Why is it that when the jolly prick in a blue shirt approaches people to ask the time, MINUS A HOOD, he’s upbeat, jolly AND, more crucially, POINTING TO HIS FUCKING WRIST??? As we all know, wrist-pointing is universal semaphore for “I’m a tight cunt, I have no timepiece… show me yours!!”
In stark contrast, when donning a hoodie, the gloomy-looking bastard simply walks up to strangers, makes no allusion to his tight-fisted credentials, but instead, looks at them like he wishes to eat their children???
[Count the number of seconds between him saying “excuse me…” and doing ANYTHING ELSE]
God forbid some random nobhead EVER walks up to me in the street, says “Excuse me…” then proceeds to do fuck all! Hood or no hood… I’m robbing the trampy-looking hobo before he robs me!
At one point, the passerby (passerby no#4) actually looks round, as if to say “Can I help you?”, but unbelievably, ‘experiment man’ doesn’t bother telling him what he wants, as if to say “No, don’t stop, you tool… THAT’LL RUIN THE GAME. FUCK OFF!!!”
Seriously, this is possibly the worst thing I’ve seen on TV since…
[Oh, sorry… did you want me to tell you what it’s the worst thing I’ve seen on TV since? Nope, soz… I’m just gonna sit here and look at your children…]